Savage Heart

Don't stop whispering in my ear

You soothe the savage beast

You give off rhythmic heart beats

This thumping, bumping in my brain

My blood boils and i think of oils

Spread on a body of water known as you

You keep me afloat in a sea of despair

Forever we dance on air

Like love birds in flight

people give their lives to see such sights

Yet you give to me freely in dreams

Of whip cream clouds and fallen angels

Is it a sin to think of you so much

Yet i defy the Gods for just one touch

Of whispering skin and plucking heart strings

Oh but how it stings, these birds and bees

You drop me to my knees my graceful deity

With your playful teasing and smiles

So i'll just rest here for awhile

Wrapped within your warm embrace

But here, again my heart begins to race

And it all starts with that

Whispering in my ear.

Tickled Pink

I wanna dance on broken glass!
I've heard this line before,
It makes me laugh.
Tickled pink
Blushing and bruised
I just want to be
Abused and misused
Misguided and fooled
Like the masses
Put into classes
If they ice skated on blood
They would fall on their asses
Hence the broken glass
Dancing and laughing

From the soapbox

Ripped from the womb we are thrust out in to this world.
With smart looking clothes and slicked down hair.
So professional with our bright eyes and dimples a glow.
It almost brings hope to the faded eyes of the old and infirm.
So magical a sight, it's almost wrong to hold in my glee of this suspenseful moment.
When you see those bright eyes scratched out by the horrors of this world
The fragile psyches' shattered on the brick hard desperation in everything.
For even the rich man doubts him self when put to the ultimate question.  Why?

If i traveled thousands of miles only to come to the ground zero of all pain and suffering.
Only to find one small sickly flower of hope blooming, there fighting for it's life.
I would feed it all the tears of the dammed and forsaken, praying for an answer.
But no God will here these words, for this prayer is for you, you, you and you. All of you!
Let not this world go from your grasp, fight for what you know to be right in your hearts.
But can we tell what is right anymore?
To many wants for personal gain, to many opinions just to be heard.
Hate trumping love and not caring about the consequences?!  NO!

Are the children i see lined up for the future or are they just more meat for the slaughter?
Wake up oh world, wake up and feel the life you have been given.
Honor, justice, peace and unity; these are my battle cries!
Let not these ideals die on the lips of children.
Let not their future be our end.

Plasma Painter

There is blood on the wall
But whose it is, no one knows
Not a splatter or a drip
Rather a desperate smear

As if the one bleeding were trying to run away
Fleeing to escape the cutter of flesh
You can see this in the finer tip trails along the wall
You can taste the fear in the air

Like phantoms moving in smoke
Like faded film from forgotten movies
They play back the violence of this scene
They show that art truly is sacrifice and loss

Let us now begin this, shall we?
Just the quickest of cuts my love
and with but a few brush strokes
There is blood on the wall

Shhh, do you hear that?

I hear a buzzing sound.
No scratch that, I feel it too.
Buzzing throughout my entire being.
Loud yet soft rippling, like energy across a line.
It almost has a rhythm, there can you hear it?!
Kind of like a...heart beat. Dear god it's alive!
Can't you feel it?
I think it's building, made of emotion.
The energy tearing us a part!
Building...
      Buzzing...
             As if one stray thought would rip your sub conscious from existence.

All life and thought become one, inside and out bringing us to the brink.
Then breaking away into death, orgasm, enlightenment, rebirth and then....stillness.

Silence.

But wait, I hear a sound.

My Little Visitor

One day while sitting at my window

I saw something very strange

A little man on my windowsill

And he was playing a merry little game

He was dressed in different colors

In clothes from different times

He had a happy little face

That showed no age or lines

He waved hello to me

And gave a bright eyed smile

Then he preformed some fairy tricks

that entertained me like a child

There upon the windowsill

He flipped, jumped and rolled

While doing such acrobatics

He looked so proud and bold

Then from his jacket he pulled a ball

And gave a mighty wink

With a flick of his wrist the ball was gone

I knew not what to think

Flames flew from his fingertips

Smoke poured from his eyes

Flowers grew in his hair

I laughed until I cried

He showed me such wonders

That I’ve never seen before

I gave a standing ovation

And cried “Encore, encore!”

On his face a look of sadness

“One more trick!” He cried

Then he jumped from my windowsill

And hit the ground and died.

By,

Shannon A. Rhoten

January 22, 2002

My Emotions

My love can soar the heavens

My hatred may scorch the earth

My envy will stifle life

My kindness can give it birth

My pain cripples others

My pleasure satisfies none

When my emotions are covered

Then the poem is done

My anger is a hurtful cramp

My joy a contagious laugh

My pride a useful shield

Whenever I am attacked

My trust is a close friend

My weakness a hated foe

My surprise is a waste

My instincts always know

My shock is a warm blanket

My ignorance is bliss

I am my best friend

When full of loneliness

My happiness is a wish

My depression a joke

The mystery of me

Is shrouded in smoke

My faith is a ray of light

My doubt a night of black

Who cares for my feelings?

When my emotions lack

By,

Shannon A. Rhoten

November 19, 2001

THE DEVIL'S PROMISE

Cold blood drips from tender fingertips
Upon the naked white of porcelain
Where it pools to become the dark mirror
Reflecting your once beautiful eyes

Eyes that once sparkled at the promise of wonders
Stare now pale at the cheap blue curtain that hides you
Water drips from the faucet into this human soup
Condensation forms on your once troubled brow

Your warm pink lips are now hard and blue
Your skin is cold, never to know anothers touch
The cold this steel that loved your flesh
Lies discarded at your side, forgotten

Within this frozen wold lies a promise
You will not be troubled by how they hurt you and lied
Because you have cast off this veil of the living
This my sweet love, is how you died.

By,
ShannonA. Rhoten

Idealist Conversion

Softly bite my tongue as the bile of remorseful words rises in my throat.

yet tear drops are the only thing I let loose as I gaze upon the corpse of your ideals.

What a shabby thing it is now, just bleached bones of inspiration, stripped bare of all conviction and pride.

I let them do this with their slanted looks and jutted chins of pompous piety, they sized you up and made their mark to cut.

All I could do was wait in line for my ten pieces of silver, not even enough to pay the boatman when he comes.

And I have now the nerve to shed tears for you as if though that would forgive me of my sins,

 I am just so selfish to look to you to forgive.

It's that moment that I hate myself and the bile comes spilling forth, 

my silver tongue cutting open my heart to stand tall and let the world know you were right.

We are all damned...but we are all together as one. We have only to shed this fragile mask of pride, clear the smoke from out our eyes and sing out loud without the lies. It can be done. So burn me in the pyre of your fears or stand tall now and cast your lot.

Now is the time.

Moon Goddess

There in cold satin skin she stood

The fog and gloom could not hide her raven hair

every other feature pale in comparison

but for the blood red lips that parted for breath

when approached she stiffened with anticipation

then gave way to tremors of delight and hunger

her eyes were silver like the moon, liquid and bright

she was just as haunting and addictive to me

smelling her musk, letting it fill my very being

I tiled my head back and let the howl rip from my muzzle

in a sorrow filled and angry song of betrayal

she simply smiled and looked coyly at me

in her hand a dagger of silver and blood red gemstones

She cut her hand and wiped the blood on my chest

when will this spell of the damned end

With the fog she vanished and left me to my pack

The hunger comes again, the hunt is on

and all i have to remember of her

is the long and cold nights

for i am forever of that night.

How I proposed to the one I love.

The day that Mandy said yes to my marriage proposal was the happiest day of my life…so far.  I say that because every day with her is special and I know that we have many more memories to make in the future.  But today I want to tell the story of how I first said those three little words that change a person’s life and how I proposed to Mandy. Also how I believe our union was blessed.

Mandy and I had been dating for awhile and we were still in the early stages of our relationship, where you spend all night texting and talking about everything.   Hours click off the hands of clocks with no notice as we delved deeper into our relationship.  It was at this point that I knew for certain that I loved Mandy, that she was the one and only for me.  She understood me like no other.  Believe me folks’ that is something amazing, because I still don’t understand me. The only problem was that I was afraid to say the words.  Were we ready for this?  Would she return that love? Would I end up the fool?  After 10 seconds of deliberation with myself, I decided what the hell; go for it! I’m an Aries people what do you want? 

So while texting one night, as we were saying our goodbyes and at three in the morning mind you.  I in a panic, texted that I Loved Mandy and the world be damned.   I hit send and the seconds ticked by, I was never more aware of time until this moment.  More seconds flew by, it seemed like days to me and I began to suspect that I was a fool.  Feeling crushed I began to text a message of temporary insanity and for her to disregard the last message, good night and see you tomorrow; I hope. As I was typing this into my phone a text came through, it was Mandy.  Her message read that she loved me too and that her phone had died right when she went to respond to mine, since we had been texting most the night.  It probably said more, but all I could focus on was that she said she loved me too. After a few seconds of numbness I yelled out in joy, scaring the hell out of my brother who was asleep in the next room.  After apologizing to Mike, I called Mandy and we spent the next two hours talking more about us and our future.

I’m going to tell you all right now; I knew I was going to marry this girl, even if I hadn’t really admitted to myself yet.  We both then said our “I love you” and good nights, I hung up the phone and felt like my whole world was spinning.  It felt great.  I got up to turn off my light and get a least a couple of hours of sleep before work, when I noticed something unusual.  There on the wall next to my light switch was a Ladybug.  I stopped and stare at it for a moment and thought to myself how strange that a ladybug was on my wall at this particular moment.  Ladies and gentlemen I admit that a bug on your wall may not seem like an event to write about, but after the life changing night I just had; it seemed important.  I mean I have seen plenty of spiders on my wall, or even the occasionally ant and beetle.  But Ladybugs have always been a rare sight; they always bring a smile to my face. Perhaps because they are some of the most gentle and pleasing to the eye insects I have ever encountered.  I collected the lady bug up in my hand and released her outside to the peach tree out back, then I went back to bed with the thoughts of my love in my dreams and smile on my lips.

The next day when I got off of work, I called Mandy to tell her about the Ladybug.  She agreed that it was ominous and that we should look it up on the internet to see if there was any meaning to it.  We found that the Ladybugs represent good luck, love, and wish fulfilled.  Mandy and I looked at each other and we knew that our union was blessed.  We gave great thanks to the Lord and lady for our meeting and spent the next year in perfect if not a little bumpy harmony.

It was at this time, a year or so later that I was living with Mandy in Ogden; we were establishing our lives together.  She knew that I wanted to marry her because of a promise I made her. One night I gave her the chain off my wrist and I let her know that it meant to me the chains that bind the heart to family and friends.  That it was an unspoken promise to always take care of those who were bound to me, I gave her this chain and I swore to her that I would always love her, take care of her, and that I would marry her.  That was my promise, she accepted it and wore it proudly; even to this day she wears it.  So Mandy knew that I wanted to get married but she didn’t quite know when I would ask, but she did know that I wanted to ask her parents for her hand first as tradition dictated.

What no one knew was that I was already getting the ring, I took Mandy to the mall one day to pal around and we just happen to stop at a jewelry store.  I had Mandy look at rings and tell me what she liked most about them all, then I had the lady working there measure our ring fingers; for future reference.   We then left the mall after awhile and Mandy was completely glowing with the idea of us getting ring fingers sized and having looked at engagement rings.  A few months and sleepless nights later, I had the ring.  Now the next step was to ask for Mandy’s parents blessing in my marriage proposal. (Gulp) 

Let me inform you all now, that there is nothing more terrifying to a young man then asking his future wife’s parents for their blessing.  Let me fill you in on another fact, the parents know this.  Luckily for me Larry and Carol are two of the nicest people I could hope to meet. The only problem I had was getting them both in the same room, sitting down without Mandy there.  I went over one day to drop something off and Carol said they would both be there, but when I arrived I found Larry there but no Carol.  Larry said hi and then rushed off to work.  He told me later that they had a good idea of what I was going to ask.  They are two of the busiest go getting people I know, their daughter is just like them.

I knew then that I had to come up with a way to ask them without Mandy there and when they were on down time.  This was going to be hard.  I spent some time thinking about it and went to my college education for the answer.  Graphic arts and film study!  I came up with a plan to make a video of me asking for their blessing and splicing it in the middle of a movie.  So that during the movie it would blackout to static and then show one of those old “One moment please” screen shots and then my video would play, then the movie would resume like nothing happened.  Filming all this and splicing it were easy; getting them to sit down and watch it would take finesse.  I realized I would need help and sought out an accomplice in my soon to be brother-in-law Matt.  Matt being a fellow Graphic artist and with access to his parents would make this an easy job, or so we thought.

Matt had the spiked video and planned on having his parents watch it when they sat down to watch TV for the night.  He came out in the living room and asked his parent if they would like to watch a movie, they said sure and Matt went to get it.  Well it must have taken too long or something because when Matt came back in the room to set up the video, his parent were getting ready to leave.  He asked them where they were going and that he had the movie, that he was about to put it on.  His parents told him that they had to go to dinner for a family member’s birthday.

Well Folks, Matt told them that they could not go and that I Shannon had something for them to see on this movie.  He told them to park it and watch the movie.  The movie started with Carol and Larry confused and asking questions.  When they had seen that Transformers 2 had started playing Carol informed Matt that whatever we did to the movie it was illegal because we didn’t own the rights to Transformers. Matt could see his parents were about to shut this all down so Matt skipped it to the part in the movie where my video came on and his parents watched with bemused interest as I asked for their blessing in my proposal to their daughter for marriage.  After the video stopped and the movie resumed, I believe they laughed and Larry called me a dork. But they were pleased and gave me their blessing to marry their daughter.

Now for the final and I feel the most exciting part of this tale, it was time for the proposal. I had the ring, I had the blessing, all I needed now was the place and how I was going to ask the woman I Loved; if she would spend the rest of her life with me. Yeah, you could say it was a little nerve racking, I think I went into panic mode at least three times.  It’ didn’t matter though, I was ready and I made my plan.  I first took Mandy out to a surprise dinner.  I let her know that it was a spur of the moment thing to celebrate us. She was happy for it and the dinner was great. I spent it watching her and letting her know how much I loved her.  Then as we drove home I suggested we take a walk in our favorite park to get some night air and let our food settle.  We arrived at the Ogden MTC Learning Park and we got out of the car to the sweet smell of the flowers riding the air.  The air was cool and there wasn’t a lot of people around, I took my love’s hand in my and we walked around the park.  We were happy to be there and happy to be with each other.

We walked for awhile until I steered us over to the gazebo, we went inside and leaned on the railing to steal secret kisses.  I held her close to me and told her I loved her, she smile and looking me in my eyes replied that she love me too.  Everything seemed perfect as the minutes ticked by with no care; I told Mandy that this would be an interesting place to get married.  Mandy’s eyes brighten at this and she informed me that her cousin had gotten married at this very location.  She then went on about how she would have everything set up and things that she would like to see at her wedding.  I smiled and then asked her what she thought about if someone proposed here and then I went to one knee.  I reached in my pocket for a little white box and I looked into Mandy’s eyes.  They were wide open with surprise and she seemed to be holding her breath without knowing it. I then asked her if she Mandy would do me the honor of becoming my wife and making me the happiest man in the world.

Do you remember me telling you about seconds seeming like days? Well I was experiencing that for a second time as I awaited the response from my love.  Now I was never really doubtful of the outcome of this matter, but I can honestly tell you that when she screamed yes and jumped on me.  I about had a fit.  There were tears in her eyes and she said yes over and over, I held her close and told her that I loved her.  I took the ring from the box and I placed it on her finger and she told me that I had now made her the happiest woman in the entire world.  We kissed and embraced again, happy is not the word that best describes this feeling; complete is a closer one. 

Now something happened right at this moment that made me feel as though we had come to a complete circle.  Mandy and I came apart from our embrace and she held the ring close to her to see it better in the dark.  I turned on my cell phone so she could see it in the light, when she told me that there was something on her hand.  That there was a bug on her finger, I held the phone closer and we both looked closer to her hand to see what was on her hand.  There just above the engagement ring I had just place on her finger was a Ladybug.  I was absolutely shocked and amazed; here was the very same insect I had seen before when I first told Mandy that I loved her.  Representing luck, love, and wishes fulfilled; both of our wished had come true and that today seems more true to me than ever. I felt that we had been blessed and that what we were doing was right and fated. 

In about three weeks, Mandy and I will be married and I am still the happiest man there will ever be.  On August 25^th 2011 we will say our I do’s, it will be two years exactly from the day I first told Mandy those three little words of I love you and seeing a little Ladybug who granted our wishes. For those of you who know me and for those of you who don’t; I hope this story will be a happy reminder that yes, fairy tales do come true and to never give up on wishes for love.  It is a powerful thing love; it can be the greatest thing you will ever know.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story, Mandy and I appreciate it and hope it gave you some smiles.

Sincerely,

Shannon A. Rhoten

P.S.  Keep your eyes open for Ladybugs.

They call it the present

I remember riding the bus late one night from my job and the only other entity on the bus besides the driver, was a faded past. It smelled of  stale piss and alcohol.  It had glossed over marble eyes and red liver lips that mashed and salivated as it creamed and jabber on.  It's clothes were worn and soiled, yet had some semblance of an ensemble.  The faded past was taking to the bus driver screaming about how it can't afford cigarettes and how it was in the old days.  I sat in my seat across from the faded past after having boarded the bus and made eye contact.   It hadn't shaved for days and it's makeup was smeared, a broken cigarette hang from it's mouth.  Ticking up and down with jerky motions as the faded past tried to focus it's eyes on me, contemplating if i was friend or foe.

I continued to stare at the faded past, never breaking eye contact and showing no kind of emotion on my face. It 's eyes narrowed and it slurred loudly.  "Yea, what?!" Without breaking eye contact, without showing emotion; I replied. "Good evening." "What's so good about it?" It asked.  I lowered my gaze to the faded past gnarled and rough hands, it was rubbing them together.  "Well," I said "I'm no longer out in the cold, thats gotta be good."  The faded past humped and said lowly, "yeah thats true, even if you don't know the meaning of the word cold!"  The faded past just stared at me, then cackled loudly it lungs gasping for air as it's body shook with laughter.  I continued to stare not showing any emotion.

The bus driver mumbled something to the faded past about keeping it down, yet his lazy road tired eyes never really looked back at us.  The faded past ignored him and cackled some more.  "Where are you headed, boy?" it asked.  "I am headed home from work." I replied, never taking my eyes from it's.  "Oh, a home to go to" It cooed, "and a job no less."  "Well my, my, aren't  we something." The faded past's eyes were burrowing in to my mind it seemed, as if though it wanted to get to the very bottom of my soul. It parted it's red liver cracked lips for a sigh and leaned over to me.  It extended it's gnarled and knobby hand with it's dirty yellow nails and signaled for me to come closer.  I never let my eyes leave it's and slowly leaned forward to hear what it had to say.  "I was once somebody special too you know?" It's breath was rancid and yet sweet in a way, like bile that had been mixed with cheap fruit liquor.  "Oh yes, I was know all over this world, for my voice, my looks, my...conquests as they were."  It smiled ruefully showing blackened and rotting teeth.  I felt my stomach turn and wondered how far my stop was.

The faded past's eye glowed with the sparkle of memories as it continued speaking, it's putrid breath washing over me. "I was what every man wanted to be, what every woman was jealous of and I gave nothing; but took all."  It leaned further in it's seat towards me, leering in my face.  "I was every faith you clung to in the dark, every dream you dare wished, every hope you carried in your heart when all seemed lost!" The faded past was screaming now, spittle flying across the bus as it ranted.  "I was worshipped and feared, revered and respected, I was youR god and devil all in one!" It screamed it's face contorting in rage.

The faded past slumped back in it's seat, it's breath coming in ragged gasps.  It's skin just a shade paler and it's hair more disheveled.  "I was everything."  it whispered.  I sat there, my eyes never wavering, my face never showing emotion.  My very presence was calm and collected.  The bus hit it's next stop, no one got on and the driver said nothing.  The bus doors closed and we continued on our way.  A few moments more passed and the faded past raised it's head, it's angry sad eyes meeting mine.  "I'm very sorry." I replied. "So what happened to you?"  The faded past's eyes screwed together in scutionus thought.  "Sorry." It mimicked, "Please save your pity for someone who might give a damn."  The faded past sat up in it's seat and tried to compose it's self, as best as it could.  "As for what happened to me, well lets just say my life is like that old Bob Dylan Song, the times they are a changing." The faded past continued, fury in it's eyes. "You see kids today have no respect for the way things are, the way things were, the way things should be."

"I see, so you feel that the future is something you fear." I said. "I fear nothing!" It screamed in my face, eyes twitching with madness. I suddenly stood and moved towards the faded past. It rushed backwards and fell into it's seat; it's eyes wide with fear.  Mumbling "no" and "wait", but I wasn't listening; I showed no emotion.  I came face to face with the faded past and looked into it's eyes, while placing my hand on it's chest.  It shook with fear and rage, I could feel each pump of it's heart through the veil thin filthy shirt.  I drew in real close, no emotion on my face.  "You are afraid of the future." I said calmly, "You are afraid of the new and ever changing, because it will always hunt you down.  My eyes were fierce but my voice was subtle, like a lover hushing you back to sleep after a bad dream. "You are afraid because once it hunts you down and corners you, the new will then consume the old and you will be forgotten."  The faded past was now on the verge of complete and total breakdown, the sheer instinctual urge to flee and run gripped every fiber of it's being.  I pushed my hand down firmer onto it's chest as my eyes grew more fierce, almost aglow with a fire. My face sill showing no emotion. The faded past whimpered as tears formed in it's eyes, the bus driver stared blankly out to the road.

"You really have nothing to fear though." I said calmly, as my hand pushed harder on the faded past's chest. Bones now slightly bending, pops could be heard as they flexed. "The Future you see, can not exist with out the Past." "It must consume the old in order to define it's self as the new." My eyes burned now with brilliant fire lighting up the bus and the Faded Past's mask of horror.  My hand phased into it's chest and glowing warmth poured out and up through my arm. "One can not live without the other, like two side of a coin." The faded past's eyes sunk and it's pale skin went white. "But it is only in one single moment that they can come together to become one, only in the present will they both know each other." My face shows no emotion, my voice is calm; everything is okay.  The faded past screamed as my eyes burned it's own and then it's life force ebbed.  As the faded past died it very quietly, through burned lips, gently asked.  "Who are you?"  And I smiled.  I smiled deeply and across all of my face. The glow from my eyes dimmed and I pulled my hand from it's chest. Still smiling I stood and answered.  "I am the Future."

The eyes of the faded past flashed with brief recognition, then went cold and dark.  I turned from it and moved towards the door letting the driver know this was my stop.  The driver continued to stare out at the road ahead, a ferry man for all time.  I thanked him and left the bus walking out towards the rising sun.  As i walked I went over what happened on the bus in my mind and I knew I had made the right choice, past and future must continue on.  It was after I had walked a good way when I heard it.  A very soft and faint whisper, so vague you would think you imagined it. But it was there, a small far off voice calmly telling me that I was next.  I just kept walking in the rays of the rising sun, smiling the entire time.

End.

Thank you for taking the time to read this blog story, I have not written in a long time.  At least not since 2007, the change in that was i knew i needed to branch out into other art forms again.  I just get to bored, what i didn't know was that this might lead to something else entirely.  We never know where our paths will lead us, but what we do with that path is what defines us.  I will post more short stories on here as well as thoughts, ideas, poems, and jibber jabber!  Lets see where this will take us...

Sincerly,

Shannon A. Rhoten AKA The Wolf